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My Life as a Neandrathal

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my comment Aug. 30th, 2009 @ 11:01 am
My entry in the www.toplessrobot.com weekend contest on "Crappiest Prize Ever"

SO..

When i was 9 or 10, I was persuaded to attend the Vacation Bible School at the big evangelical church my neighbors went to, rather than the one at the liberal, small, Epsicopal church my parents normally took me to. It was fun, there were tons of kids, games, singing, and enough other entertainment to block out all the hellfire and brimstone they were shoveling at us.

Once a day they would send us into the big main assembly area (it may have been a gym, or an all purpose auditorium, for some reason I remember it as being like a school cafeteria with no tables.) and give us their "Jesus" talk, along with passing the hat. The very first day, they announced a "contest". The boys would be on one side, and the girls on the other, and which ever side brought in the most shiny new quarters, got a SPECIAL PRIZE!

OH BOY A SPECIAL JESUS PRIZE! You just KNOW it's gonna be a frisbee if it's a special JESUS prize. This church is WAY better than my church, we NEVER got JESUS FRISBEES!!! All they ever promised at Mom and Dad's church was to help poor people and make the church better and help poor people, who didn't have food. Screw them...JESUS FRISBEE!

So I went home that afternoon and pulled every damn quarter I could out of my piggy bank, a whopping SEVEN DOLLARS worth! Being that if i was 9, it would have been 1980 (yes, I am old) that was a hell of a lot of money, considering that Star Wars action figures cost all of 2 bucks, at most back then, and I was gonna get em ALL!

But it was ok, because I was CONVINCED I had a JESUS FRISBEE coming.

The next day we all gathered in the big room, and divided up, and I dumped my quarters from allowances, extra chores, couches and anywhere else I could into the plate, and waited while the overly happy counselor types counted the money.

After what felt like an eternity of agony, they announced the tallies, and WE WON, by like ELEVEN DOLLARS! SWEET! WE WON! COME ON JESUS FRISB.....what the crap?

They handed us out the prizes and there wasnt a jesus frisbee... it was

A DUM DUM LOLLIPOP.

are you freaking kidding me? I could have gotten FOUR of those from the bank teller that looked like Cheryl Ladd for dropping those quarters in the bank! The worst part, we won by ELEVEN DOLLARS!! I could have easily just dropped the 50 cents my Mom gave me for the collection plate in and had my money! I didn't know what it was called, but I knew damn well that there was irony in the fact that it was a DUM DUM lollipop.

By this point the reality, and the irony of neither having a Jesus frisbee, or star wars people to show for my savings was apparent, and that stupid DUMB DUMB lollipop actually did give me a stomach ache.

I went home and recounted the whole story to my parents, and know what, they didn't hook me up, and refill my piggy bank. No, they let me do extra chores to earn the money back, all damn summer, just to teach me that you can't just blindly give your money away, you have to know where it's going. Or maybe it was to teach me not to expect things in return from charity giving. Or maybe just not to trust that big ass evangelical church.

I still want my fuckin Jesus Frisbee.




Progress Report: Buck Rogers Jetpack May. 28th, 2009 @ 06:29 pm

The LIGHTS ARE ON....or in

Center Turbine.... will be mounted on my back...

no jets, not painted, or glued together. use your imagination a little
Tell us how you really feel: excitedexcited

For anyone who attends ANY cons... Mar. 8th, 2009 @ 10:55 am
But SPECIFICALLY Dragon con....


So NSFW....  

Tell us how you really feel: sillySexy!

Please Help... Feb. 10th, 2009 @ 06:45 pm
So,

Lately I have been using twitter incessantly, really getting into a great local community.

Friday, one of my new friends, a local artist by the name of Cat Rocketship, was hit by a car, while riding her scooter, breaking the crap out of her leg and jaw. Thankfully, she was wearing goggles and a helmet.

She's out of the hospital, and resting at home now.

The scooter, which was named "Cyndi Lauper" wasnt so lucky.

This is the info page, if you wanna help, or just spread the word, we are trying to get some cash together for them, and maybe have a little silent art auction. This page has links to her art blog, and etsy page, if you're interested.

http://bit.ly/RocketshipFund


ATTENTION THEATRE GEEKS Jan. 24th, 2009 @ 08:09 pm
I just saw SPRING AWAKENING.

It is headed for Minneapolis.... GO SEE IT!

I am talking to you windelina and others.

Also, it has BOOBIES! ehehehehhehe and a butt, a man butt, well, kinda boyish manbutt.

I had stage seats and it was really really really really neat.

This is said by someone who is picky as HELL about theatre, and musical theatre doubly so. I am a "picky eater" so to speak.

It had a wonderful Tommy - Alan Parker esque feel, to put it in cinema terms, which i speak better than theatre.

SO glad that actor and actress showed up at work Wednesday.

HIGHEST POSSIBLE RECCOMENDATION

UPDATE: Just realized one of the leads, Moritz, was KARL from Lost...didnt even recognize him

Other entries
» most...wrong...soda...ever!


The pic is the link! ITS REAL!




» So here's the deal
Ive been off the cigs for a little over a week as of this writing, with varying degrees of success.

No promises that there wont be backslides and cheats.

Just FYI for everyone to encourage and work with me. No bootcamp style yelling, guilt, etc. please?
» Because everyone is talking about it... GAY MARRIAGE
Here's the deal, I don't think the government should sanction gay marriages.

I also don't think the government should be sanctioning straight marriages, semi crooked marriages or flat out sideways marriages, or even inter-species erotic marriages. Although I would like to see the paperwork on that last one.

No, the government should, if they REALLY think it's necessary, be in the business of sanctioning civil unions. Only civil unions, between any group of people who believe they need to be designated a family unit, for insurance, child bearing, or other civil property/benefits reasons.

Marriage is a sacred covenant between two people and, originally, god, but mostly the two people. Some think god is in on a threesome with them, and once again, that is a porno i wanna see, I bet god is hung like an ELEPHANT!

In any case, I digress.

It's like this, the government seems to think that people grouped for the purposes of child rearing (lets call them a family) deserve special insurance, death/survivor/property, and tax benefits. I don't know that I agree but, fine.

Taking sex and religion out, why shouldn't 3 men be allowed the designation of family unit? Did we NOT learn the lessons taught by Bob Saget, John Stamos and Dave Coulier??? They had a FULL HOUSE, raising three daughters, barely having sex with the slamming hot babes they had over in awkward but hilarious situations, much less each other!

Uncle Joey went SIX MONTHS with a toothache because, as a stand up comedian, he had no insurance or dental benefits, and didn't want to burden his FAMILY with the expense of fixing it? I ask you, is there a REASON he shouldn't be included on Danny Tanner's insurance? NO!

And what if something happened to Danny and Uncle Jesse out on one of their motorcycle rides, they couldn't fit all that hair in helmets! They would DIE! and then who would listen to the inane prattlings of baby michelle, as she grew older and uglier and closer to whoredom? ANYONE could have come in and swooped that kid up and turned her out at a white sex slave farm, forced to suffer endless parades of guys like Eli Roth...ewww.

NAY I SAY! MAKE THE TANNERS A FAMILY!
» YUM YUM!!!!

» Just for ethel
because i cant go to ethel's party doesn't mean i cant make you all see terribly wrong versions of "sexy" halloween costumes at www.3wishes.com
more more more!Collapse )
» meme passed by philady
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.


They felt small and vulnerable in this giant landscape, and as the sun descended and then vanished, they became afraid. Again they made a sacrifice to Shamash and wated for dawn. In the morning they called out to Huwawa, but he did not answer. They trembled in the utter silence.

Suddenly Huwawa appeared, roaring like a thunderstorm. The ancient cedars bowed at the sound. Gilgamesh was stunned by the horrid, vast head of the demon. In the terrible, fierce battle that followed, Gilgamesh employed the savage winds of Shamash to rage against the might Huwawa.

and just for fun....

The one directly below it....

MATT: During our run with ACW, I created a spinoff of the Willow the Whisp character so that Jeff and I could tag together. In Latin, will-o-the-wisp is ignis fatuus - the "foolish fire". When I created my version of willow, I took that as my name, Ignis Fatuus.

JEFF: The attitude back in those days was that if you did WWE jobs for too long, you'd never get a chance to be a legitimate Superstar. We decided to pitch Willow the Whisp and Ignis to Chief Jay Strongbow. We explained how we had created these characters that wear masks, for all intents and purposes, so we could say we hadn't been seen on TV doing jobs.
"If you could get us a dark match," we said, "we'd really appreciate it.
"Send us some photos," he said, "and I'll show them to the Emperor"

Yes, the two closest books to me were A FIELD GUIDE TO DEMONS by Carol and Dinah Mack, and EXIST TO INSPIRE: THE HARDY BOYZ by Matt and Jeff Hardy with Michael Krugman....I am wierd.

» Working through an idea.
Is there any sci fi character anyone can think of who uses a walker chair, like a wheelchair, with robotic legs?
» This would make me watch cable news.

» Damn my sister is cool....


look at the kickass shirt she sent me!

who knew that mark ecko made geeky stuff.
» A rant on religion...
Because not all of you wanna hear my anti fundamentalist rantings...Collapse )
» My CONvergence project
I don't have the words to describe this year at CON...

I do have a video project done on and around the night of Saturday July 5 into Sunday July 6.

My plea to my friend Cass to come to con next year




i needed a better HOUSE OF TOAST shot....
» Minneapolis
I is here!!!!

WOO!

*happy dance, chillin in room twelve twelve!! aww yeah**
» ONE OF US! ONE OF US!!
So,

Thomas Jane, aka the second Punisher, aka David Drayton from THE MIST, aka Todd Parker, heard there was a big JONAH HEX flick in the works.

So he and a buddy got together, and cosplay'ed up a costume and took some pics, maybe it would get him the job, maybe not, but assuredly, it would be fun dressing up like Jonah freaking Hex....



Only GEEKS do that!!

This isn't Sean Young showing up at Warner's dressed as catwoman, this is a nerd goofing around in his back yard because it's silly fun to dress up as a cowboy bounty hunter who was raised by Apache's but scarred and cast out due to an act of betrayal!

Just for the fun of it...

Hmmmm...

He also publishes his own comics, and had Bernie Wrightson do some covers for those comics...

Does that make anyone think anything?
» UPDATE 3!!!
Ok! Things are wearable!!!

Looking GOOOOOOD!Collapse )
» UPDATE 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Ok, got less done today during the day than i did yesterday, but i wont be sitting around watching the boob tube tonight, so it should come out even.

It"s getting closeCollapse )

Ok, gotta make some foodage for my boodage...
» UPDATE!
Here's what I have done so far...

Pics and descriptions of what i didCollapse )
I'm bloody starving now.
After lunch, I will either start on the shoulder suede, or the cuffs....
» ok, I'm soloing


After many years being taught, here and there, when i wanted to make stuff, how to build using cloth and fabric, (sewing isn't manly, building stuff with cloth sounds better), I am about to embark on my first solo build. It's pretty easy and people like cleo  and windelina  would probably knock this project out in about zero time flat, but, I aint them, and I trust both of you, along with my sister and any other experienced sewers out there, are gracious enough in your skills to not point and laugh.

All the gory photos and my whole sordid planCollapse )
» RIP Tim Russert
Rest in Peace, you were a good guy to work with
» I so feel this way
I've had an XBOX 360 for all of...a month, and this illustrates why I don't go online with it.


ATTENTION BIGOTS!

» Blas for you, Blas fo me....
Possibly the funniest commentary on modern christianity in years:






When Jesus got famous, he changed, man....
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